My cousin Debbie gave my mom, dad, sister and me all Superman gear since after all, we are Superman's family :). I have a little pendant on a chain that has the logo and the words under it "Go Foward." This is easier said than done, but the pendant gives me a lot of comfort. My daughter Jasmine wore it to school for the same reason.
My friend Becky's mom lost her brother when she was eight. Becky's mom has barely met me and yet knew to give me a book that I can't put down but don't want to finish called The Empty Room by Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn. DeVita-Raeburn is the sister of "the boy in the plastic bubble" who most North American t.v.-bred children of the Seventies know from the movie starring John Travolta. The movie was actually an unauthorized amalgamation of a couple families including DeVita-Raeburn's, based on her own brother's eight years in a sterilized room after being diagnosed with aplastic anemia. She interviews hundreds of "the forgotten mourners" - bereft brothers and sisters and eventually is able to clearly tell the story of the role her brother played in her life and how his death affected her.
It is a beautifully written book and although I don't think that I have been "forgotten" as she was, I think that is a very particular kind of loss when you lose your brother or sister. She speaks about the phantom pain of an amputee. Because siblings are so integral to our identity, losing them feels like losing a part of ourselves. I think many of us feel that way in losing Ned, and it will help us all to tell our own Ned stories. She also talks about how, when faced with the loss of a sibling, we have to reconstruct our identities. My story of Ned has just begun. My new (or newly revealed) identity is emerging: Superman's Sister.
