Thank you for the love and strength that you brought to my life that continues on.
When times are challenging (and they are now), I remember the lesson that your life and death has brought to me - that our stint on this planet is limited even as we must pursue our dreams as though there were no limits - this is the exhilarating and painful contradiction. Feels like time inside a dream that takes place in reality within a few minutes (ok, so now you know what movie I just saw.) where the dreamer can be aware of the dreaming but still feel the reality of the dream before waking up to the "real" reality.
You taught others to "Dream Big Dreams," as you wrote and printed on the CD sharing your songs. At times it doesn't feel like you are gone because your presence is part of the background of who I am. That's what is so confusing and mind-bending. That's what it means to be a sibling, and I thank Elizabeth DeVita Raeburn for helping me understand that with her book The Empty Room.
I am interested in making a shift from always having the feeling of loss - the brother I don't have, the father Shaan doesn't have, the son, husband and friend, gone - to something I can carry with me wherever I go that reminds me of the gift, the light that shines in me that shone in you. I'm still looking for that thing. It may very well be a physical thing, a totem, that I can find that becomes that symbol of you, not only watching over us sometimes, but traveling with us, with me as I navigate the bumpy roads and air space on this journey.
Love,
Your Sister Wendy
