This makes possibly the third or maybe the fourth month that the eighteenth day has gone by without some sort of acknowledgement on my part. I'll know that it is coming and then I will get caught up and forget about the significance of that date. It kind of throws me to forget like that. It doesn't mean that I miss you any less. Maybe it is just that other things will take on meaning as other details fall off.
A couple weeks ago I was able to connect with some of your friends that I haven't seen since the memorial. There was a Superbowl Party at Henry and Heather's house and I made the trip with Jasmine. We swung through and saw Vicki and Shaan and then Sweetie, Ryan and Thais. When we pulled up, your son was driving around in a little blue motorized car around in the tree on the lawn and laughing hysterically. I hope you saw that. You would be digging that.
After a couple of hours, we left and went to the other party and we saw (of course) Henry, Heather, Vince, Logan, Amanda, Melissa, Tiffany and I met some others too whose names I am sorry I can't recall right now. Everyone loves you so much. Many had last seen you at last year's Superbowl Party where you sat outside smoking a cigar at the patio under the umbrellas next to the tiki lamps, texting Logan about your team and drinking your cognac. So full of it. I mean, so full of life ;).
I still listen to your music often and always will. It is a way to bring forth your presence. The funny thing is that I don't have any of the songs labeled in iTunes but I just go to the play count and find them. Here's one of the songs I'm listening to now. It reminds me of the love that you and Vicki shared and it really tears me up. So readers be warned. It's Seal and Santana, "You Are My Kind" and I'm certain that it represented that love that you shared together.
Here in the early Sunday morning hours when my family is asleep and the rain is coming down, I can cry and help repair that part of my heart that is broken. Broken from the longing of wanting more time with you on this planet. Broken for Vicki, broken for my parents, my sister and my kids who loved their Uncle Ned. Broken for my husband who loved having a brother that lifted him up and who he could relate to. Broken for all your best friends who can't figure out how to replace that warmth in their lives that you always brought. I know that the rain of tears is necessary for me. Someone said that it cleanses your soul. Maybe the tears are the nourishment that we need in order to make things grow.
Rain and shine you are always there.
Love your sister,
Wendy
