It's been nine years since you left. For a long time there was disbelief. Even with all the evidence and the reality of what we experienced, it still felt like you were on a trip. Because you were always on a trip. You were just on a long trip. But you were coming back.
Over time I've experienced not stages, but more like waves of grief, moving from anger to depression to acceptance and back again to disbelief over the fact that you are gone.
What I have learned is that you have never left us spiritually and emotionally. You will always be there. You will always show up in our dreams. I will always write to you in this way because it's how I can experience your presence. And that's how I can remind myself and your son about your funny laugh, your bold and boisterous spirit, how much you loved your family, how you didn't mean to leave us.
