Dear Brother

On the eve of the anniversary of you being ten years gone, I am cooking with you in our kitchen as though you were here. I'm making something you would like ~ shrimp curry with vegetables and rice. I'm also having a few beers. I'm drinking mine,  and I'm drinking yours.

I have learned through these years that I can still talk to you, write to you, that you will always be there for me, with me.

Your life taught me to live more boldly, to follow my dreams, to get people together, to celebrate more, to look to the sky, to gaze at the stars.

You are my brother so of course, I learned all these things from my mom and dad. We ~ you, me and our sis, learned them together as we grew up in the same household.

One of my first memories was when you came home from the hospital with Mom and Dad. Grandma was taking care of Nancy and me. She was four and I was two and a half, but the excitement and joy we felt still come to me to this day.  I can also remember a family gathering when you turned one. There was a thick dark green candle that we stuck in the cake to celebrate your first year on Earth.

I learned from your example as an uncle. You were always there at every party, holding the baby, talking to the kids.

You and Vicki taught me and Ron about loving relationships. Yours was solid and seemingly void of bickering and bitchiness, at least from the outside.

You taught me about following my dreams. Yours differed from mine, but in the end, you showed me respect and admiration for my work. You were curious about what I knew and could teach you.

I remember being at your home in January 2018 and feeling such a deep love for you and the beautiful man you had become and so proud that you were my brother. You were also becoming much more of a friend in addition to a brother on this journey called life.

Just a couple months before the accident, you took us all on a flight at the pond where the swans hung out. One by one you took the kids and then me in your seaplane, flying through the canyons and laughing maniacally at the thrill of it.

My Brother: Nine Years Gone

It's been nine years since you left. For a long time there was disbelief. Even with all the evidence and the reality of what we experienced, it still felt like you were on a trip. Because you were always on a trip. You were just on a long trip. But you were coming back.

Over time I've experienced not stages, but more like waves of grief, moving from anger to depression to acceptance and back again to disbelief over the fact that you are gone.

What I have learned is that you have never left us spiritually and emotionally. You will always be there. You will always show up in our dreams.  I will always write to you in this way because it's how I can experience your presence. And that's how I can remind myself and your son about your funny laugh, your bold and boisterous spirit, how much you loved your family, how you didn't mean to leave us.

Waking from a dream

I wake up having forgotten

And then I remember

My dream

A tall man gave me a piece of a star

It was smaller than a mini computer card

Iridescent and translucent

Like tiny swath of cotton made out of blue silver light

Buzzing quietly in the darkness

He held it between his index finger and his thumb

The mudra position for fire and air

And transferred the star piece to my own fingers

I placed it onto my desktop

A download from the universe

With answers to all my questions

And questions to all my answers

A white light to keep with me

Various wavelengths combined

The wisdom of the ages

To access whenever I need it

Thank you for the dream my brother

7 Years

Dear Ned,

I wish I could see you.

I wish I could grow wings to fly up into blue skies, the soft white billowing clouds protecting me from the sun’s heat.  The view of the Earth, the granite steep, the rocks, river, redwoods and lake become tiny splashes of color as I ascend to meet with you.

I wish I could fly to you and be with you for just one day and then more.

I wish I could find you in my dreams to say that it is going to be ok.

Where you are there is a brotherly love that has no conditions, no rainchecks, no venturi effect.

I wish I could turn back the hands of time to that day. Perhaps your brow was furrowed in distraction, thinking of your life, your challenges and unknowns, last night’s conversations with your sisters, forgotten birthdays, the death of another brother, the need to call your parents, the coming weekend when you would be with your family, your little boy, your beautiful wife. I wish I could have given you the presence you needed. And how could I have?

I wish I could slowed the wind that whipped through the canyon that afternoon, the air flew through the narrow rock space speeding it up and dropping the pressure making the little plane struggle to gain momentum. And yet that would have been impossible for me to be there!

I wish I could have been there to slow your attention to check the instruments,

to correct the error of that split second when you were caught off guard. But how could I have been there?

You were caught in the awe of the Sierra Nevadas, into the wild at Cherry Lake. Over your head with the beauty of the forest.

The summer before last, we traveled there to see what you saw and to be there with your spirit.

A brave pilot. A father, son, husband and brother, a man fully alive in this world.

You are always with me,
Your middle sister

Ned Hike August 2013 by Jerry Snyder, Ned's father

The sky is no limit; your dreams should be big. 

Connect with your Friends; but Family is core. 

Golf with your buddies; smoke a cigar while you do. 

Celebrate friendship; enjoy things that you have. 

Seek comfort in music; hear sounds that you like. 

Swimming a race sucks; but Water Polo is great. 

Aviation was his passion; made life exciting and challenging.

Cooking and eating is foremost; don't skimp on a meal. 

Tip a Sierra Nevada; toast to those that you know. 

Share joy, insight and wisdom; communicate with all. 

Don't forget to be supportive; never think small. 

Don't look at me but be introspective; find peace in your life. 

The sky is no limit; but time can be short. 

Superman he was; superman to all of us. 

Live life to its fullest; no moments to spare.

Trek to Cherry Lake for Ned

On August 17th and 18th, 2013, ten of us gathered together to make the trek through this magnificent wilderness in the Sierras where our beloved Ned - Edmond Thomas "Superman" Snyder -and his copilot Dave Cunningham made their last journey. We made it to the area of the April 2008 crash site and saw the beauty of the majestic granite peaks and the awesome wild through Ned's eyes. It was an amazing experience. This first set of photos were taken by Jerry, Ned's father.

Wendy and Ned, about 1971

Embrace Life

I put a picture of Ned on my desk where he is standing under a waterfall, the lush green of trees and vines surrounding him, his chest bare, his arms outstretched upwards in a sun salutation, although I never knew him to do yoga, a huge smile on his face from ear to ear. I love the way he embraced life.

Coming through to say thank you

Last night in my dream, Ned came to an event in NYC. He was much younger than he was when he died, maybe in his twenties. He gave me a pin to wear that said Ned on it and it was rainbow striped with baby blue in it. He was going to make a presentation of thank you to all his friends and family for celebrating his life and then he’d be on his way. I guess that's what I'm doing too, to anyone who might read this. Just coming through to say thank you. Ned Snyder still lives on even if we don't talk about or blog about him as much.

Four Years Ago Today..

Dear Ned,

It's odd how life just goes on and four years pass but it feels like yesterday when I couldn't believe you were gone!

How wonderful your boy is - handsome, kind, thoughtful - and I want to spend more time with him! How incredible your wife is - she moves with such grace and joy even as I see the sadness that she continues to carry....

Tomorrow we have a tour we are hosting in Oakland. I wrote about it on Facebook:

The first event hosting Nurse Midwife Mary Koroma is tomorrow.
I'm asking friends of mine for you to come. If you can't come, maybe you can make a donation.
Mary Koroma is from Sierra Leone and leads the maternal and infant health clinic and economic development programs.

Through her work, she has directly challenged the fact that African women in Sierra Leone are dying in childbirth - one out of eight! Also, in Sierra Leone, due to the conditions originating from Europe's attack on African and ongoing colonial exploitation, the people in Sierra Leone live on average only 39 years.
This is on land that is rich in minerals, including the "purest" diamonds in the world. The work of the All African People's Development and Empowerment Project, which is part of the Uhuru Movement, is so significant because it is not some single issue about birth, but is about transforming all the different ways that African people are suffering on their own continent and is tied to a strategy to unite African people across borders to control their own land and resources. That is what will ensure the future for an African women, child and man.

Tomorrow also marks four years since we lost my brother in a plane accident. Losing my brother was terrible and we miss him every day. He was almost 39. He was a young man. He had a great life and he also had so much ahead of him, having just had a child. I can't imagine that being the norm and for people to face, on a daily basis, that kind of loss.

My brother didn't fully understand my political involvement in a movement for African liberation. It's unique. There aren't other organizations that a white person can join that isn't a charity, that welcomes white people and yet challenges us to go deep, to take a principled stand. It's not easy. It is a struggle, because there are so many other forces that pull us into a self-centered, individualistic, mind numbed existence. The Uhuru Movement forces us out of that and helps us see the world as it really is, not how we would like it to be. There is so much struggle needed to build a larger movement and yet, I feel that people are more open. People are ready. Many white people have had enough of just sitting idly by while the young Trayvon Martins get shot and killed, while the NYPD attacks the black community with racial bigotry and while the US continues to kill and maim Pakistani and Afghani men, women and children with drone attacks or US soldiers "going crazy." So much transformation needed in this "post-racial" America.

Four years ago, my brother was starting to understand and recognize the value of not just caring about the world in the abstract, but in being directly involved in change. There aren't proper words for me to express my sadness at not having had more time with him to connect and share with him about all these issues. I have so much appreciation for the kind soul who was/is my brother and the wonderful family that he made Vicki Snyder

And much love to the leadership of the Uhuru Movement for bringing great, tumultuous change to make the world a better place.
Everyone is invited to be a part of it!

That's what I wanted to share with the world today.

Love Your Sister Always,

Wendy

Writing on this Blog

Dear Ned and the Blogosphere,

I've decided that I am going to keep up this blog. I may have to rename it

because it is not so much about Ned anymore, and more about my life.

I don't want to pretend that I'm writing about my brother. It would be

awesome if I could keep that up, but I can't.

Ultimately, it is about the living, how we go on, how we take action to

be happy, to participate in living.

The theme of superman and the supernatural appeals to me though...

You have become bigger than life. We look to you know for guidance

from the beyond and pretend that you respond when we come up with

ideas by the very act of trying to correspond with you.

I'm not talking about a Ouija board of anything like that. I'm talking about

just basic, human communication with the dead through our thoughts.

A Kind of WWND (What Would Ned Do) taking a bit further.

There are so many ideas I had when I first created this. It was as though

a new community would form from the blog. In some ways it has.

In other ways the life that Ned knew has changed drastically so much

so that he wouldn't recognize it.

Ned your son is six years old now. I look forward to seeing him at Xmas.

Your wife is an amazing mother and she looks forward, participates in her

community and family and carries on.

I miss you so much and I guess what this blog was supposed to do was

to fill that abysss, the ache that I feel and my family feels from not having

you around.

It is hard to deal with that absence, with the presence of your absence

at the house, especially at the holidays.

Last year we wrote a few stories. This year I will think of something....

That's all for now. Gotta run.

Love,

Wendy

Dear Ned

I miss you today. It's my 45th birthday and you would be here to celebrate if things had gone differently.

You'd probably send me a coffee card on the last birthday you were around. You'd call and try to sing or just leave a message. . All the happiness and gratefulness I feel combines with the sadness of not being able to share with you, spend time with you. Wherever your energy has gone in the universe, I connect with now to remember, to never forget. You are loved so very much. You will always be a part of my being. I love you.

As you said, Let's "dream big dreams."

Your sister,

Wendy

Vicki and Shaan

Everyone has their own way of commemorating important dates. The strange thing about a birthday for someone who is gone is that it used to be joyous. Now it is filled with memories, sorrow, longing and also, in this case, the energy and passion of the loved one who is gone.

Vicki and Shaan will go to Ned's favorite restaurant in Elk Grove and have an ice cream cookie cake with a candle. Shaan also got a balloon with a "Love You" note that he will let go into the sky.

Remembering You on Your Birthday

Another bald-headed baby, the first boy. Later you'd sprout the white blond curls. I remember Grandma had to stay with us while mom and dad went away. She was kind of stern, but the excitement came out through the timbre of her voice. What do I remember? I was barely two and a half, but something about wood panel walls of the house, the door opening, the wrapped tight bundle, the soft coos and carefulness of the grown-ups. It was a special time and this was our little brother.

I don't remember if they let me hold him even as I would be sitting on a lap with someone holding me. I do remember talking to you, your special milk cup, and later your little chubby fingers that you stuck into the little round oat pieces of cereal (ok, Cheerios).

But when you first arrived, it was the power of you, the tiny round Buddha face, all of us gathered around you waiting for you to tell us what to do. Keep life going, you say. Love life, you say. The eternal struggle. We love you.

Omar Ahmad Rest in Peace

Our hearts go out to Omar's family, friends, colleagues and the city of San Carlos for such a terrible loss. My brother Ned, who passed away in a plane crash three years ago, gave flying lessons to Omar. They also shared laughter and cigars. They had a lot in common in that they were both well-loved.

Ned's Laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZhOa2n2bFI

Three Years Ago

Today was not what I had hoped for.  There were too many of life's daily problems that intervened - car problems, getting from point A to point B. 

And yet, we watched the Moments with Ned video compilation that I put together two years ago from Vicki and Ned's video footage. It was so wonderful to see him and hear his laugh while he played with, danced with and kissed his little boy Shaan. Five year old Shaan enjoyed watching and the love and light of his father reached him from those precious past moments.

Our Dad spread out a beautiful display of photos of his son on the dining room table, from the chubby baby to the toe-headed kid to the awkward teen to the handsome father and husband with his family. 

I got to look for lizards with Shaan around the yard and talk to him about letters, trains and friends. 

I got to be around Vicki who carries on with such powerful grace, bringing the love and commitment of her and Ned's partnership fully to their son in the most responsible, conscious and caring way. 

I light a candle for you Ned. In this brief moment, on this foreboding day that marks when we lost you from the Earth, I commune with your spirit and bring it into my heart once again. 

I will always love you and look for you in my dreams always. 

Poem for Superman

Posted on Ned's dear friend Matt Menard's Facebook notes:

This poem from W.H. Auden describes in part how I felt 3 yrs ago today:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

 

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

 

He was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

 

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;

For nothing now can ever come to any good

Joni Mitchell - Little Green

For Tyler Orsow, Chuck Kimes and the Others

Tyler Orsow, son of Terry Campbell, one of the owners and operators of Norcal Aviation that Ned owned for a brief time, passed away in a plane crash on Sunday, February 27th.

Also, Chuck Kimes, who coordinates the Clearlake Splash-in, passed away in the crash as did two others. Once I find out the names, I will post them.

Our hearts go out to her and Mike and to everyone they touched. This song that Ned and so many loved so well performed by IZ, goes out to her and everyone who is suffering. Of course, I have to say that it also goes out to the people of Hawaii, who suffer from too-early death oppression on their own islands.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I

Here are some of the details of the crash:

http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110301/A_NEWS/110309998